Oh Baby

My friend had a baby and her name is Madeline Grace and she is a beautiful little nugget. His parents are now grandparents and they are downright pumped about that change.

Babies make me feel uneasy. Even with all the happiness that inevitably surround them. I'm sure this feeling will pass.

The "why" to the uneasiness is obvious. Responsibility of the highest degree. Exponential selflessness. Shitty diapers. I'm not ready for any of these things.

Sitting next to this little angel, when I should have been at real peace, my mind was engulfed in this Fear, and my train of thought raced backwards into time, and I theorized that:

"Throughout history, the majority of men would have had a baby OR killed a man, by age 25"

This was true for about 25,000 years, since Homo Sapiens reached behavioral modernity...

until the 60's or 70's... right?

And maybe my theory is less true over the last 40 years than the 24,960 years before that...

But the fact remains that I currently have no desire for either making babies or killing people. Which makes me feel a disconnect to Society, in a historical sense, and it's not a good feeling.

It's worth reiterating - I'm sure this feeling will pass. Until then though, I don't really want to hold your baby. Congratulations though... it's beautiful.