An Uninvited Visitor

Rowley, MA was not happy that I referred to it as "not that Cool"
so it spit us an uninvited visitor this weekend

1230a is technically Sunday morning but to us it was very much Saturday night
another split squad day, separate gigs
and by this time we were both Home,
unwinding and recounting the day's journeys behind us

thus our house was lit up, probably the only house on the street
maybe the only house for miles
which is why he chose us.

a timid knock on the door and drunken mumbling.

we share a puzzled stare but i'm in underoos and race for pants
by the time I open the door the knocker has gone.
I don't look around very hard.

we talk inside.
doesn't fit the m.o. of the old man next door or his son (who is also an old man)

after a short period of time (Editor's Estimate: 1-3 minutes) a voice through an open window

"I'm sorry to startle you, I need help, can I use your phone?"

My old lady jumps and says, "Whaaaaaaaa"

I open the door and there's a pretty tall guy with a shaved head and tattooed arms.

"I was with my friends and we had an argument and I walked off like a jerk and now I have no idea where I am can I use your phone?"

and he says other things like "I know it was silly" and "I'm sorry to bother you" over and again
and I can tell he's trying to be calm but I can also tell what people strung out on drugs look like.

I hand him my flip phone and he fiddles with his wallet for a while, and pulls out a business card for Viking Taxi.

He asks the Viking how much a ship from Here to There will be and then shakes his head, "no no no, that's no good."

I retrieve my phone and he asks how to get to the convenience store.  It's literally left on the road.  LEFT.  That's it.  He doesn't really get it though and wonders if I have a smart phone, so that he can see a map.  Visualize it, he says.

Then he asks if I had a phone book.
but it gets Weirder.

next he says he's heard that Rowley dogs will pick you up for walking.

he pulls out a crisp $20 and asks if I can drive him to the previously mentioned convenience store.

but my Old Lady is listening intently, right inside the door and comes out with a big "Noooooooooooo" and a crisp "ope" on the end
shoos him away like he was a stray dog.
She did not say "Git" or "Go on now" but she might as well have.

I like helping people but you can't just shout into stranger's windows demanding smartphones and phone books and assistance evading police. I'm only down with real Action like that on rare occasions, with people I trust.

The Moral of the story is that everything I write on this blog will eventually be Wrong and that's O.K.

with a submoral that
Rowley, MA: you are pretty Cool