Brothers & Cysters: Part 3 - Fear & Healing & Thoughts From the Edge

My attempt at a beard failed.

***

What a depressing open.
Mulligan: Surgery went well and so has the first week of recovery.
Things are looking Up.

***

I remember the plastic surgeon telling me that they found more "tracks" than they expected, thus the whole gig was on a scale much larger than expected.

To me, that's a pretty good reason to get a refund for the expensive CT scan that was so strongly recommended during this process...

But,

That would probably mean I'd have to sue somebody, which I don't want to do.  I'd need to get my paperwork together and my facts straight, and what a hassle that would be!

I'd also need to get the plastic surgeon's thoughts on the record, and that seems impossible.  Since the gig I've only been able to talk to the Junior Varsity "assistants" and secretaries and note-takers.  The Big Doc is long gone baby.

***

I enjoyed James Baldwin's "If Beale Street Could Talk" and David Sedaris' "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim"

I did not rewatch The Wire but enjoyed the first four episodes of Lena Dunham's "GIRLS"

***

There are some Ideas and also some Big Plans

but neither will help me heal faster

only Rest & Relaxation will do that

but Rest & Relaxation makes me crazy

***

 My wife & mom & dad & brother really stepped up to the plate

 grandparents, aunts & uncles and friends & even students and parents sending nice wishes, texts, chocolate...

 which makes it that much harder to be cranky

 when I'm the luckiest man in the world

Brothers & Cysters: Part 2 - Rehab & Storage

Michael is in jail.

He was my Dad's buddy and drummer for many years.  He has recently experienced dark times.

Michael was paying monthly for a storage trailer. When that was no longer financially feasible, Dad and a few other friends volunteered to help.

Michael's possessions are now in my parents' garage and on the front lawn.  Sorted into the few important possessions worth storing, a bunch of stuff for his children to claim, a bunch of things that are FREE for whoever wants them, even more things ravaged by time and suited for nothing but the dumpster.

Dad emerged the garage today with a piece of paper and a smile. "This is the best thing I've found yet" he proclaims.  It's a flyer for a gig the band did back in the 70's, a sketch of a guitarist, the headstock of his axe says GIBSON but it transforms into a tennis racquet down the bottom.

All this Stuff, all these Things, and my Dad gravitates towards a flyer. A piece of paper. A memory. Dad admires it.

I'm just like my Dad.

Brothers & Cysters: Part 1 - PreOp

Worth Noting: I hate when people rattle off details about their personal medical ailments. It's awkward, uncomfortable, and usually disgusting. I'm not a doctor, I cannot help you, except to recommend that you do not waste your breath.

I have a medical ailment. I'm going to write about it because two weeks recovery while self-employed means two weeks without income, and I'm starting to get The Fear...

THE FACTS:

I thought I had broken my tailbone.  My sweet old lady diagnosed it as a Pilonidal Cyst. My primary care physician agreed. The surgeon agreed but wanted a CAT scan. After the scan we agreed to bring in a plastic surgeon.

You can wikipedia "Pilonidal Cyst" on your own.

Instead, I would recommend "Z-Plasty" which is how they're going to fix me up and is way more fascinating than the ailment itself.

I won't be able to sit for 2 weeks. Life will happen strictly standing up or lying down.
I plan to read books and will likely review them here.
I will rewatch The Wire.
I will get back to work as fast as possible.
I was warned that smoking cigarettes will impede my recovery so they are OUT but that's good
and finally this is my best opportunity in years to experiment with beard growth...

I will Survive.

Many people tried to dissuade the following of my dream with the CATASTROPHY ARGUMENT:

"But what if something DRASTIC happens, like a crazy medical emergency"

I don't know if The Dream can survive this. It feels like I will, against all odds. I like the sound of that.

Stay tuned. Or don't. You must surely have more pressing issues.

Premature Overreaction

I shouldn't worry about the students who chose NOT to perform

because the students that DID are real the story

and they rocked it.

Proud Parents were a nice touch. They were all over the place, which felt Good

but a child's face when he first discovers how a distortion pedal works

well, I had never seen that up close before.

it was Beautiful & Inspiring

& Reassuring & Motivating

all at the same time.

Scared?

I'm producing a Recital for my students.  Last year we had quite a fun time.

As this year's event approaches, some students are dropping out, "Overwhelmed" with fear and anxiety.

What a load of shit!

The issue is that I'm not going to force anyone to participate. This isn't Russia.

That said, I can still be disappointed, especially with my high school aged students.

Nervousness & Anxiety are a part of Life.

If you back away from everything that makes you Nervous, that makes you Worry, that makes you Scared...

and you only do Easy, Comfortable things...

well that sounds like a Boring & miserable way to live,

in my opinion.

Hey Buddy, How's Married Life?

This question bothers me. So does it's newfound place in my life. All sorts of people ask all the time. 

My old lady and I have cohabited for close to five years. Our marriage ceremony six months ago did not change that.

My old lady and I have been monogamous since our relationship began, if that's what you're asking, you pervert.

My old lady and I respect each other and try our best to communicate our differences, to understand each other's perspective when communication gets lost...

a church ceremony & party thereafter has not changed that, either. 

Living with and loving another human that loves you back is an amazing experience, one that should be available to any two humans. I'm disgusted by the news from North Carolina today...

and remain bothered by people who assume my life magically conformed into some template because of a ceremony and a party. 

Marriage is simply a Public Acknowledgement of what already exists, and it's going to exist with or without that acknowledgement.