Hypocritic Oath

This isn't really about Hypocrisy

but I won't let that stand in the way of a catchy headline

My birthday was Incredible this year. Heart warming even. 

and if you read my last post...

Please don't read my last post. Let's put it that way.

I don't think I'm a hypocrit.  but I do contradict myself.  all the damn time. 

maybe that's ok.  my ideas can be fluid.

because my environments and situations are fluid.  the world is fluid.

the world is awesome.  life is good.  celebrate each lap.  I love cake. 

Anniversorry

Just when you've convinced yourself

that everything is connected

everything is Fluid

that we're on a 45 degree slope

climbing positively towards the stars!

at least a 20 degree path

slow, steady progress

and then there's your Birthday

stuck in the fucking mud

reminding that it's all a big circle

spinning in place

back to the starting line

anything to show for the past lap

besides the notch on the belt

that signifies we're that much Closer to the End?

who wants cake?

Dairy. and also Aliens.

I was thinking about cow's milk

in that it's produced by cows, for baby cows.

not for humans.

I'm sure with enough money and research you could prove Milk is BAD

and then someone else with more money would prove that not only is Milk GOOD but also that the first research team were a bunch of racist pedophiles with no credibility.

but this isn't about that (Money),
this is about Milk

I imagined the eventual colonization of Earth by aliens.  The mother and father alien arguing at the morning table:

"Go wake that lazy boy of yours up, Glargamel.  He needs to milk the human!"

"Ah let him sleep, Glargamass.  He had a tough night..."

"You are too easy on him, he needs to learn that our girl is a LIVING CREATURE and that if you don't milk her at the same time every morning she gets real bitchy..."

Waiter

It was only four hours waiting for her

and it wasn't "bad"

(because there is no such thing as Bad or Good)

I drew some doodles and wrote some poems

(I tried to ignore the lingering Infinite Sadness)

I read Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness"

and at one point he hits on Restraint

-specifically the restraint of the hungry cannibals,
the lack of restraint by Kurtz, etc-

and I thought about restraint in my own life

and came up with this very blog

in that my Worst stories are probably my Best stories
and that I restrain myself from posting them

if you asked me in public why I restrain from writing them here I would lie, right to your face, something like this:

-that the goal for this space is to emit Positive energy into the Universe, via words
-that this space should inspire my young students if they were to come across it

when the private reasons are a bit harsher:

-to not embarrass my family
-to create a revised autobiography

Conrad did the same thing. Shot himself the chest during a low point. His autobiography reads that the scar on his chest came from a wound suffered in a duel. How honorable! Much nicer than a suicide attempt. Don't believe everything you read. Especially here.

so I began compiling a list of the worst things I've ever done and was 6 or 7 deep when she texted that she was done and looking for me.

Some of the other women had come out quite shaken over the course of the four hours and I can admit it was entertaining to witness but not her... she had a quietly confident apathy about the whole ordeal that was downright inspiring. She is beautiful.

Pitchers & Catchers

Lou Merloni was in Florida yesterday and said on the radio

that Red Sox pitcher Alfredo Aceves was standing on the mound

in full uniform

with a bucket of balls

gunning them towards home plate

but there was no catcher
no one else on the field at all

just a grown man
by himself on the field
hucking balls at a fence

in uniform

and that's only Day 1
and that's only my SECOND favorite story so far

“Everything is fine,” Brentz said. “After the rookie program, I had an accident. Everything is fine, but I was cleaning my gun and it accidentally discharged on me and I sustained an injury. Nothing serious. That’s why I was out of big league camp, because at the time I’m not able to participate fully, but I am recovering very fast and should be OK for the season.

Mr. Brentz, 

missing Major League Camp

because you accidently shot yourself 

while cleaning a gun

is Something Serious. 

-Joe

I Don't Want To Join Your Band

I don't want to join your band.  It's nothing personal.  It's not you, it's me.

I'm down on the entire concept of a Band.  It's an antiquated idealism:
____________________________________________

1) Collaborative Art is Difficult

2) Quality Players are generally involved in Many Projects at a given time

I need a musician in my band who is so talented that I would question why he/she wouldn't rather be doing hir own thing.

3) The Show Must Go On

each Artist should have a Network of Interested Players.  what if there is a conflict with your Band Member and a Big Gig?  what if you have differing opinions on how Big this gig actually is?  (what do you mean you're skipping the Tonight Show for your sister's wedding?)

4) The Singer chooses the songs

doesn't really make sense any other way, right?

5) The Songwriter makes the money
____________________________________________

Hopefully that helps!

I want to learn your songs.  I'm going to learn them anyways.  because I love Songs.

If you ever need me for a gig, just give a ring.  I'll be ready.

Your Waiter is God: An Open Letter to Pastor Alois Bell

I give God 10% why do you get 18

Pastor Bell,

 God doesn't accept US dollars, nor pesos, or even euros.

 You have not given God any money. Ever.

 The 10% you refer to goes to your church.

 Would you like to know how someone gives money directly to God?

 By giving it to someone less fortunate than you.

 for instance,

 a waiter.

 I believe that I can understand organized religion because I understand making music

 by myself,

 with my wife,

 with a band,

 with a symphony,

 that the whole experience is magnified as more like-minded people are included

 and I can assume that also applies to prayer, meditation

 and the other things that happen at church.

 In summation, Pastor Bell you are a penny pinching bully that (for some reason) wants a service at no cost

 please don't blame God for that.

love
Joe