Zaurak

My old lady bought me a telescope for Christmas.  Not just any telescope, Astronauts Without Borders Newtonian 130.  The directions explicitly stated, "Put this machine together during the daytime, with plenty of space" and I believe it even said, "sober" but I decided to try it out half-drunk, late at night, in our living room, immediately after opening the gift.

After I removed a spring loaded screw and was not able to reattach it I yelled angrily and stormed about until my Old Lady was upset as well.  Merry Christmas!

The next morning dear old Dad helped me reattach the screw.  Meanwhile, I had emailed Astronauts Without Borders (AWB henceforth) and received further instruction from the President of the company.  How cool is that. I was collimated and ready to shoot the moon.

Unfortunately, we are in the part of the moon cycle where she is the least visible, so we had to wish for a star.  My wife and I are essentially virgin astronomers, and we once again found ourselves half drunk, but this time the scope was working.  Using the lower powered, wider angled eyepiece we were able to focus in on clumps of stars.

Even without the scope by looking out the bedroom window we could see one star right in front of us, really outshining the others.  We used our cell phone app that maps the sky and determined it had the Bayer designation, aka lame star name, of Gamma Eridani, but was also traditionally known as a slick Arabic word for boat, Zaurak.

We were able to locate Zaurak using the high powered eyepiece.  On Zaurak's wikipedia page it says the red giant star is over 200 light years away from us.  What the fuck is a light year?

A light year is the distance light can travel (about 186,000 miles per second) in one year, or about six trillion miles.

Last night we looked at a star that is (six trillion multiplied by 200) miles away.  My old lady bought me a telescope for Christmas but what she really gave me was Light, Space, Time, the entire fucking Universe.

Weed Laws

Excerpt of a statement from MASS CANN/NORML:

The Massachusetts Senate and House voted yesterday to approve a bill delaying the opening of marijuana stores from January 2018 to July 2018 and also exempting marijuana cultivation from the definition of agriculture. This bill, S2524, not only flies in the face of the will of the voters who voted for the January 2018 deadline, it shows contempt for the legislature itself, having been passed, not after three readings to the full House and Senate, but in the course of less than an hour by just two senators and five representatives at a time when the full legislature is not in session.

Statement from Charlie Baker:

"The Baker-Polito Administration has been clear that it shares the Legislature’s desire to thoroughly prepare for launching an entirely new industry distributing a controlled substance," Baker spokesman Lizzy Guyton said in a statement. The administration is "committed to adhering to the will of the voters by implementing the new law as effectively and responsibly as possible."

If our Governor was actually "committed to adhering to the will of the voters" then he would have defended the specifications of the bill we fucking voted for.  This is what passes for democracy in Massachusetts.

Gig

at the gig tonight the drummer said he has been officially diagnosed with tinnitus.  the singer said this tuesday he predicts he will be officially diagnosed with diabetes.  This past week the guitarist came home to find a neighbor passed out drunk in the yard, covered in his own piss and shit.  They dragged him back into his apartment.  Two days later he was found dead.  Jeff wondered if he had called the police that day if his neighbor would still be alive.  I argued otherwise.

there was a man in a black fedora and a white suit jacket.  he had made 5 greeting cards, one for each member of the band.  Initially I took one with a maple leaf, a sticker of a sleigh filled with presents, a silver faerie, and an old santa claus.  Then Jeff displayed the remaining four and one had a real pretty girl on it so I traded mine back and took the one with the pretty girl.  She doesn't seem as pretty looking at her now.

2016: Good TV

(Editor's Note: the consumption of art is not an artistic endeavor. It's just consumption.)

-The Night Of (HBO)

8 episodes. Sets the new gold standard for Law & Order style cop lawyer murder shows.

-Stranger Things (Netflix)

8 episodes. Beautifully captures 1980's sci-fi vibe.

-The Get Down (Netflix)

6 episodes. Intriguing characters in South Bronx 1977 amidst the birth of hip hop.

-Easy (Netflix) 

8 sexy half hour comedy drama vignettes.

-Love (Netflix)

10 episodes. Judd Apatow's name on the marquee but Paul Rust & Gillian Jacobs are legit.

-Better Things (FX) 

10 episodes. We loved Pamela Adlon on "Louie" equally love this show they made together.

-Atlanta (FX) 

10 episodes. Donald Glover's comedy-drama set in the Atlanta rap scene is unique. 

Ode to a Good Woman

A Good Woman
prepared a special dish just for me
sang a duet with me in the bar
thinks I am full of shit
and resents the entire notion
of a poem about a Good Woman

Missed One

I am surprised that Rape did not make the Ten Commandments.