A Portrait of Bernard Francis Law

A portrait of Cardinal Law hung above the entrance of the chapel at Bishop Fenwick High School. By the year 2003, Cardinal Law's presence at the core of a sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic church had been well documented. Cardinal Law covered up the actions of child molesters, knowingly moving them to different parishes. I believed that to be worse than the pedophiles themselves. Cardinal Law's portrait hung above the entrance of the most sacred place in our school. 

I started a petition to have the portrait removed.  The members of the senior class that I spoke with were essentially unanimous in proclaiming, "Fuck off, Joe.  I've worked my ass off for three and a half years.  I've got applications out to ten colleges.  The ABSOLUTE LAST PLACE I want my name right now is on your bullshit anti-establishment petition." 

One of my only regrets in life thus far is not stealing that portrait.  The chapel was in a far off wing of the school and I found myself with ample opportunities.  I am not sure why I did not steal it.  I wish I had.   

Statements

The curly bedsheet

never folds up right.

---

I like to be clean.

I can scrub a plate.

---

I eat with my eyes.

You know I like you

sunny sides up and

don't turn em over.

---

No salt or pepper

on Mother's table.

---

I like the taste of

poison over rocks.

---

Being deaf someday

is part of the job.

----

No one cares about 

my darkest secrets.

Servings Per Container

     I like to keep a definition of the word 'addiction' handy.  The one I prefer to use is "displaying symptoms of tolerance or withdrawal".  By this definition, I currently find myself addicted to Ben & Jerry's brand of ice cream, specifically their Chubby Hubby variety.  I can be downright moody without an ice cream treat after dinner.

     The Nutritional Facts on this product state that there are four servings in one container of Chubby Hubby.  To that, I proclaim "Bullshit!"  I try not to be cynical, but find it hard to believe that a man with such temperance, patience, and restraint could possibly exist.  When I meet the man who can return to the same pint FOUR times, I will kiss his feet and demand to know his secrets. 

     The closest I have come is a three serving technique employed by my brother.  To make this work you must skimp on the second serving.  The first serving always arrives with lust and passion, it is impossible to deny those urges.  If you attack the second serving with the fervor of the first, you will inadvertently decimate the third.  If you can go easy on the second serving, the third will be glorious.  Of course there is no stopping once you perceive the bottom to be close by.  The third serving will inevitably be the last.  But, if you can go easy on the second serving, the third will be glorious.  

     So we tack Ice Cream to the ever evolving list of Vices & Addictions.  If we're lucky we have a game plan to keep things balanced.  We allow our minds to be open to change.  At least the potential to change.