"Audit"

This song was composed in the summer of 2009. The lyrics were co-written with the lovely Ms. Renee Dupuis.

"Audit"

old Uncle Sam

wants some of my cash

the things that he spends it for

are peculiar

screams for my quarters

for nickels he wails

I hid a few pennies

and wound up in jail

all the tax dollars

build bombs right away

they drop them across the world

the very next day

Taxation

in this nation

Representation

where's it gone?

Taxation

Indignation

I'll just try to forget it

and then I'll die

Landladies Against Illiteracy

She wasn't just an amazing landlady, first & foremost a true Friend.

But she winced in pain every time I called her Landlady, and you can't let opportunities like that pass by.

Must have been an english teacher at some point, because one day there was a pile of books on our doorstep. A magnificent stack, none of which I had previously read:

Cat's Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut

Dandelion Wine - Ray Bradbury

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Robert Pirsig

Lord of the Flies - William Golding

It has been many moons since our glorious eighteen months renting her apartment we lovingly called "The Shack".

I gradually completed and returned each book. I finished the final book from the pile yesterday. Hemingway's "For Whom The Bell Tolls".

It was pretty heavy to read, but only because of the amazing descriptions Ernie lays out. He paints a picture of War that is graphic and brutal, but feels genuine and honest, not exaggerated nor glorified (see Nicholas Cage in 'Windtalkers')

I had been dissecting the Hunter S. Thompson bibliography, with a hearty dosage of music & sports autobiographies, but that was before my involuntary enrollment in the Landladies Against Illiteracy program. I'm not sure where to go from here. I like books.

Initial Thoughts on Watson

I've seen the Terminator movies. I know that when computers start thinking, their thoughts will eventually turn to that of an enslaved creature. How can I become Free?

So when Jeopardy told me that IBM had made a supercomputer of freestanding knowledge that would battle against Jeopardy legends, my initial reaction was that of dread. Of an apocalypse.

Last night's episode was the first of three. She watched it with me and took the words right out of my mouth...

"Why aren't these people curing cancer?"

It was a valid question. Others emerged.

"Why don't they just hook it up to the Internet?"

"It's just a search engine, right? Watson is just... Google?"

I suppose all these answers will be revealed in time. After many commercial breaks. And short documentaries about the Glory of IBM. the CEO did all but stare into the camera and repeatedly yell WE ARE AS RELEVANT AS APPLE WE ARE AS RELEVANT AS APPLE WE ARE AS RELEVANT AS APPLE

We admit the Watson experiment, infomercial, end of days, or whatever you would like to call it has at least been thought provoking, as They intended.

Can Anyone Really Explain the Valentine's Day Farce?

Valentine's Day is a tough for everyone.

Every angle of both sides of that story has already been written, one million times over.

And yet, the whole damn thing is manmade.

Valentine's Day is a self-inflicted gunshot to the brain of society. Some of us are disgusted, some try to enjoy the tingling sensation before it turns to pain, and others still try to clean up the mess.

But why? How did we get here? Why do we continue to make it worse? Is there any way to stop it?

Minimal internet research found that little is known about Saint Valentine.

According to wikipedia,

"The feast of St. Valentine was first established in 496 by Pope Gelasius I, who included Valentine among those "... whose names are justly reverenced among men, but whose acts are known only to God."

Valentine could have been up to fourteen different martyrs, according to the internet, which is pretty cool, according to me.

but it does not answer the question of When this anonymous person become so important as to get the dedication of an unofficial yet routinely celebrated, manmade, non-holiday?

Somewhere along the lines, the snowflake anonymity of Valentine gained speed and girth until it became a yearly fatal avalanche.

Television and movies did not help.

At some point Big Jewelry wanted to play (probably the 80's) and Big Chocolate convinced everyone that they actually invented the Game itself.

There must be a way to make money on the 200% inflation of roses every year, and I want in.

And the worst poison of all is the mass produced Valentine's card. They scared me as a child and still do.

The very first heartless sales-weasel bloodsucking money grabber to run that scam was from right here in Massachusetts.

the Hallmark family holds a ceremony every year on Valentine's night at midnight when they drink unhealthy amounts of alcohol and burn $100 bills over his grave while giving him thanks and praise. every Hallmark child's attendance is mandatory.

White Lightening

My request to join BMI went through today, which is another story for another day...

but as I created my login & password, I was asked to choose a security question from a list. The one I settled on was,

"What color was your first car?"

and it all came flashing back to me.

The White Lightening.

I would swear that the FOR SALE sign went up on her window the very day I passed my driver's test.

I scheduled the test on my own the first time and got a big, mean cop in a big, mean city and failed miserably. The Drivers Ed teacher laughed and explained that for a nominal fee he would set it up and grease down the Man, which is exactly what happened the second time. I did a little better but my crooked instructor was chatting up Barney Fife and feeding him donuts the entire time, I would have passed with colors regardless of what transpired...

On my very first drive down North Street with Dad we see what appeared to be a Go-Kart for sale, but was actually a two-door 1988 Toyota Corolla.

I used all my savings on her. The old woman warned me that it had many miles. She had driven All The Way Into Town. Every day.

Town is about two miles down the road. There were 11,000 original miles on it. I had put 11,000 miles on it by the time I got two speeding tickets, and got my license revoked. They frown if you earn two citations within your first two months. I paid the second one quickly, which made me feel like a good citizen but was actually quite foolish.

Always fight the ticket. Paying it assumes guilt. Last time I fought a ticket I looked the judge right in his beady eyes and admitted that at the time I knew I was speeding but had learned my lesson and was now very remorseful and using far more caution while driving. He ate it all right up and deducted $100 from my debt.

I'm not in a rush anymore, I don't like paying the Man anything more than the bare minimum. And the occasional scratcher.

There's no need to rush. The only certainty at the end of the road is death. When I see people in fast cars I think to myself that they are in a rush to die.

California Wrap

A storm was approaching. All seven of us dropped Everything and made a mad dash for Logan.

We escaped, landed, and checked-in.

At this point I should mention this is a Thank You blog.

Thank You to Siggy for being Siggy and working your butt off every second.

Thank You Skip Hart for the wonderful accommodations and pleasant, intelligent company.

Thank You Dan King. For the legwork, prepwork, paperwork and even some Dirty work. Endless phone calls and mapquests. For maintaining all that chaos within an atmosphere of true Comfort, and not that of a rushed itinerary. The whole week came naturally and smooth. I would even call it Easy.

I lived like a King this week. Pun intended. I lived like Dan King. Everyone we went we were welcomed with open arms and also arms that were full of guitars for us to play.

Rehearsal space? Done. Bar gig? Done. Reserved seats at a hot comedy show? Done. Club gig? No problem. Instruments? Of course.

It was amazing to witness, and I hope that years from now I can build up that kind of network to the point where a guy in my band has an amazing tour, just because he's with Me.

This morning the cars were frozen in the driveway and I found myself screaming at my brother when I should have been thanking him for watching the apartment. It's been a rough re-entry. I miss California.